Relationships: Why Do Some Women Alternate Between ‘Bad Boys’ And ‘Nice Guys’?

While there are plenty of women who are only drawn to men who are kind and respectful, for instance, there are also plenty of women who aren’t. As a result of this, their relationships with men are going to be radically different.

The Norm

Still, when it comes to what a woman’s relationship is like or what her relationships have been like in the past, this is likely to be what is normal. If, a woman is with a healthy man or has been with healthy men in the past, this is not going to be a problem.

However, if this is not the case, a woman is ether going to be in a relationship that is causing her a lot of pain or she will have been in a number of relationships that have, and this is then going to a problem. This woman could believe that this is just how life is and that there is absolutely nothing that she can do.

A Rough Ride

So, if she is single, she could look back on the men she has been with and this could be a time when she remembers things that she would rather forget. Her body could fill up with emotional pain and she could have all kinds of negative thoughts.

Now, this could be a time when she will wonder why this keeps happening, or she could just believe that she is a victim. If she sees herself as a victim, she may believe that the only way her life will change is if she meets a man who is different.

A Battle

On the other hand, if she is currently with a man who is abusive, she probably won’t need to look too far back to think of a moment when she felt violated. This could be something that happens whenever she is with him.

And while she may do everything that she can to please him, it might not have much of an effect. Ultimately, this is someone who is not going to build her up; he is going to tear her down at every opportunity he gets.

Completely Undermined

It is then going to be in her best interest to walk away, but she might not have the strength to do so. And, even if she does walk away, it doesn’t mean that the won’t end up in the same position shortly after.

There is, of course, the chance that she could end up with a guy who is totally different. But in order for her make sure that this happens, it might be necessary for her to look into why she ended up with a guy like this, as well as the other men she has been with who were like this (that’s if she has been with other men like this), and to seek external support.

A Short-Term Solution

Let’s say that she does manage to leave an abusive relationship but she doesn’t look into what is going on, she could end up with someone very similar. Then again, she could end up with someone who is extremely different.

What this could mean is that she might end up with a ‘nice guy’, which means that he is unlikely to treat her badly. In fact, he could treat her better than she has even been treated before.

One Extreme to the Other

In the beginning, she could appreciate this kind of behaviour and this could cause her to treat him with respect. She could feel relieved that she has met someone like this, while he could be relieved that he has finally found someone to be with.

This might not last, though, as she could soon start to get bored and to crave more excitement, and this will cause her to change her behaviour. When this takes place, she could start to treat him badly and he could find it hard to understand how she could be so different to how she was before.

Conflict

What this can show is that being with a guy who treats her in this manner doesn’t feel right; it would have repelled her. At first, it would have had a positive effect, but that is only because she needed an escape.

Deep down, she is going to need to be with a man who treats her badly, makes her feel uncomfortable, and allows her to experience drama and excitement. Due to this, after she has been with a guy like this for a little while, she can feel the need to be with a man who is abusive.

Two Options

She is then going to be with an abusive man and see herself as a victim, or she will be with a ‘nice guy’ who she victimises. If she was to treat a nice guy badly, she could feel guilty but this doesn’t mean that she will be able to change her behaviour.

Yet, as ‘nice guys’ rarely value themselves, a guy like this can put up with her bad behaviour. Instead of setting boundaries or even walking away after being treated badly, they can stay around, thereby causing the woman to lose even more respect for them.

A Closer Look

This kind of behaviour can be incredibly confusing; nevertheless, what took place during her younger years is likely to have played a big part. When she was growing up, she may have had a father who was abusive.

Her connection or her attachment to him would then have been based on trauma, as opposed to love. How she was treated by him would then have become familiar and, therefore, what is safe.

An Emotional Rollercoaster

This would have been a time when she experienced fear, anxiety, rejection, abandonment, shame, loss, and even terror. These feelings would then have come to be associated as love, which is why she will need to experience these feelings to feel attracted to a man.

A ‘nice guy’ or a healthy man is not going to trigger these feelings in her; these kinds of men are going to be too ‘boring’ for her. She is used to living on the edge in life, so peace and quiet is the last thing that she wants.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this, and she wants to change her life, it might be a good idea for her to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.

Not only will there be the beliefs that she will need to change; there will also be the trauma that she is carrying. This is a process and not something that will happen overnight.

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

Dating: Should Someone Message Another Person If They Go Silent?

Nowadays, there are so many ways for people to find someone to be with, which is a far cry from how it used to be. In the past, one would have had to physically meet another person in order to be able to take the next step, but this is not longer necessary.

Another Option

Now, one can meet someone online, speak to them for a little while, and then they can meet them in person. Therefore, they can learn a lot about them long before they have even been in the other person’s presence.

Consequently, this can mean that they will talk for a little while over text, but that could be as far as it will go. When this happens, what they have said over a screen, along with the images that they have uploaded, may have defined the outcome.

A Mystery

Something that one said – or the other person said – might have brought the interaction to an end. If one ended it, they may well have made the right decision, and the same could be said if the other person ended up.

Then again, this might have been the wrong decision – the trouble is that there is a strong chance that neither of them will ever know. Nonetheless, there is going to be no reason for this to be the end of the world for either of them.

Plenty of Options

One could have a number of other people lined up, so they might soon forget about what has just happened. Yet, even if they are not talking to other people, it might not be long until they find someone else to talk to.

It is then as though one is in a big shop, meaning that they will be able to find exactly what they need. If, on the other hand, online dating wasn’t available, it might take them a while to find someone else.

Fewer Options

Even if they worked around a lot of people, it doesn’t mean that they will come across someone who they actually like. And if they don’t work around a lot of people, they might have to wait until they next go out for the night, for instance.

It could then take a number of days before they can find someone, if not weeks or even months. With internet dating, this can take place almost instantly, and this can stop them from having to dwell on what has just happened.

An Illusion

When one comes into contact with someone online, their mind will end forming an idea about what they are like. This idea might fairly accurate, or it could have absolutely nothing to do with what they are like as a person.

If they were to meet someone in the real world, they would be able to get a more accurate idea of what they are like. At the same time, one can just as easily deceive themselves in the real world as they can online.

The Same Challenge

However, regardless of whether one has met someone online or offline, they can still end up talking to someone who ends up going silent. Up until this point, everything could have been going well, or at least seemed to be going well.

Alternatively, there might have been conflict between them. When it relates to the later, it might be easier for them to handle, but when it relates to the former, it might harder for them to take.

Physical Pain

It then won’t be as though anything has happened to them physically, but it might seem as though they have been physically hurt. The reason for this is that being ignored or rejected, for instance, is said to activate the part of the brain that detects physical pain.

The rest of their life will then be the same, but it can seem as though they have been excluded from society. Along with this, emotional pain that was already in their body might have come up to the surface.

The Next Step

One could feel the need to message them or to call them up, to find out what is going on. This approach might work, and one could find out that there is a good reason why they didn’t speak to them for so long.

Having said that, one could reach out and they might not hear anything back, even after a number of days and weeks have passed by. During this time, one could find that their mind is consumed with the other person; stopping them from being able to focus on anything else or to embrace the present moment.

A Puppet

One might then have had control of themselves at one point in time, yet at another, they will have given their power away to someone else. This will stop them from being able to pull their own strings, so to speak.

Taking this into account, it is going to be essential for them to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place. Clearly, one is going to be wasting their time, energy and attention on this person.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

For wherever reason, the other person is not going to take the time to tell them what is going on. Thanks to modern-day technology, it is easy for someone to simply go silent and to completely overlook the effect their behaviour is having on another person.

The only thing they need to do is to delete or block them, and then they can carry on with their life. This is something that is easier to do when someone uses online dating, as they probably won’t have to see this person everyday and they might not live in the same area either, which could be the case if they had met them in the real world.

A Closer Look

One thing that someone can say, when they go silent, is that they didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. It is then as though his person actually cares about them and wants to make it easier for them to move on.

In reality, this is likely to be a way for them to avoid the pain that they would experience if they were to tell the other person that it’s over. Looking selfless is then a way for them to cover up how selfish their behaviour is.

Awareness

If one’s attention is consumed by someone who has gone silent on them, it can show that they are trying to avoid how they feel in their body. The sooner they settle down and bring themselves back into the present moment, the better their life will be.

One might be able to do this through bringing their focus back to their breath and observing what is taking place within them, or they might need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or healer.

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.